Maybe You Have
Back To Top of Hypochondriac Heaven

A few months ago, you stepped on a rusty nail and ignored Grandma's orders to get a tetanus shot. Boy oh boy, are you ever going to be sorry!

Breeding within the oxygen-depleted core of an infected abscess, deadly bacteria called Clostridium tetani are now beginning to release one of the most potent poisons known to science. Tetanus toxin soaks into nerve cells and hooks a ride on axons to the brain and spinal cord, where overstimulated neurons cause muscles to go into contraction -- producing the characteristic "lockjaw" rigidity of jaw muscles called "risus sardonicus." Muscles cramp into spasms powerful enough to snap your bones in two, or bend your spine backwards with bowstring tension known as opisthotonus. Second in virulence only to Botulinus toxin, mere nanogram amounts of tetanospasmin are sufficient to paralyze your chest muscles and cause death by helpless suffocation. Once the lethal toxin is irrevocably bound to your nerve cells, antibiotics and antitoxins are useless. Intubated and placed on a ventilator, you have a slim chance of survival, but it will take six weeks for the neurotoxin to gradually be cleared from your body -- a time in which you can look forward to heavy sedation, enduring seizures and agonizing muscle spasms triggered by the slightest sound or touch -- and being exhibited to teams of medical students as terrible example of what happens to people who don't follow medical advice.

Worldwide, tetanus kills a million people a year, and up to 2% of all children. If you had gotten a tetanus vaccination like Grandma suggested, you would have antibodies to the toxin that would prevent you from ever developing symptoms. Thanks to the humble tetanus shot, the number of USA tetanus cases have dropped by 99% in the last 60 years down to just a few dozen cases annually -- an excellent reason for listening respectfully to your Grandma's advice next time, especially if you happen to be a diabetic, an alcoholic, or a heroin addict that can't resist shooting up with dirty needles.

Custom Search
Wiki     Top     Try Again

Acute Intermittent Porphyria ​ Alcoholic Cirrhosis ​ ALS ​ Alzheimer's Disease ​ Anthrax ​ Appendicitis ​ Asbestosis ​ Ascariasis Lumbricoides ​ Atopic Eczema ​ Biliary Colic ​ Botulism ​ Brain Aneurysm ​ C-Diff ​ Cholera ​ Cryptosporidosis ​ Cystitis ​ Deep Vein Thrombosis ​ Dengue Fever ​ Diabetes Mellitus Type 1 ​ Diphtheria ​ Dural Vein Thrombosis ​ Ebola Virus ​ Ehrlichiosis ​ Fibromyalgia ​ Genital Herpes ​ Glioblastoma ​ Gonorrhea ​ Gout ​ Graves' Disease ​ Guillian-Barre Syndrome ​ Hantavirus ​ Herpetic Encephalitis ​ HIV ​ Influenza ​ Lassa Fever ​ Leprosy ​ Lethal Midline Granuloma ​ Listeriosis ​ Lyme Disease ​ Lymphoma ​ Mad Cow ​ Malaria ​ Measles ​ Mononucleosis ​ Mucormycosis ​ Mumps ​ Myasthenia Gravis ​ Myocardial Infarction ​ Naegleria ​ Neisseria Meningitis ​ Norovirus ​ Opiate Addiction ​ Pancreatic Cancer ​ Pancreatitis ​ Paranoia ​ Parkinson's Disease ​ Periodic Paralysis ​ Polio ​ Pneumonia ​ Prostate Cancer ​ Psychophysical Reaction ​ Pulmonary Embolus ​ Pyelonephritis ​ Rabies ​ Rheumatoid Arthritis ​ Rickets ​ Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever ​ Salmonella ​ Sarcoidosis ​ Schizophrenia ​ Scrofula ​ Shigella ​ Shingles ​ Sinusitis ​ Smallpox ​ Syphilis ​ Systemic Lupus Erythematosis ​ St. Louis Encephalitis ​ Tetanus ​ Trichomonas ​ Trigeminal Neuralgia ​ Tuberculosis ​ Typhoid Fever ​ Ulcerative Colitis ​ West Nile Virus ​ Whooping Cough ​ Yellow Fever

See our Disclaimer.  Got a Comment?  Contact us at   All Rights Reserved.